I was not smooth in high school. My lack of polish was accentuated because all the girls “my age” in TV and film were far more grown up and they oozed fineness. Being exceptionally short, having a small speech impediment, and lacking coordination I felt like a caricature of the awkward teenager nobody wanted to date. This did not make me feel attractive or confident to talk with my deep crushes. I typically crushed in silence. Through junior high and high school, I crushed on all four of my closest guy friends… (Mind you these are the same friends I was virtually mute around.)
I had an on again off again crush spanning 10 years on a friend that moved to my town in the second grade. The crush grew when he urged me to take Biology with him freshman year and resurfaced when we struggled through Algebra II together junior year.
There was the friend who played sax and sat behind me in Band starting in the seventh grade. He was funny and charismatic with the right amount of snark. He helped me laugh through the muck of high school. He stopped taking Band senior year to focus on other things, but we still saw each other at lunch.
I met another in 6th grade homeroom. At first blush, he was the most reserved of the group, but he had a killer wit. He was incredibly kind; his yearbook inscription tells me that I made him smile when he was down, but he did the same for me. He and I are still in touch and meet up when we’re in the other’s city.
Then, there’s Red. He transferred to us in 9th grade. He was brilliant and quirky. He took fancy science and math classes, which I was not smart enough for. But, we sat next to each other in our upper division Spanish and English classes. We were theatre geeks and I helped with blocking when he was cast as Schroder for “You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown.” (Every time I hear the Book Report song, I think of him.)
I was too nervous to do anything about the feelings I had for these boys, even when people tried to push us together.
The only thing I could do to express my feelings was bake.
I remember the Christmas I was crushing on Red vividly. I baked batches of Ultimate Peanut Butter Chocolate Cookies (To Get Someone to Fall Madly in Love With You). The cookies were a marriage between a peanut butter cookie and a chocolate chip cookie.
Not to disclose my saccharine message, everyone in the group got the same tinfoil bedazzled package. I changed the sticker formation on Red’s so I’d be sure to give him the package that had 7 cookies instead of 6.
Several months after Christmas, Red asked me to prom. My heart was so happy, it did summersaults.
I turned him down.
What if there was holding hands or kissing? I was not prepared for that. I took a friend I met the previous summer working at a church camp. He didn’t have a high school prom and since we were just friends it felt like the right choice.
I cannot stress enough when it comes to baking— Invest in parchment paper! Baking becomes infinitely easier.
2 ¼ cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt (optional)
2 sticks margarine, softened (2 cups)
1 cup packed brown sugar
½ cup granulated sugar
2 large eggs
1 cup dry coarsely chopped peanuts (dry roasted, lightly salted)
2 cups of semi-sweet or dark chocolate for melting
STEP-BY STEP DIRECTIONS
Set oven racks to the top two racks.
PREHEAT oven to 350° F.
In a Medium bowl, cream together:
Margarine, brown sugar, white sugar and eggs.
Add baking soda and mix.
Slowly add flour. When well blended, add nuts.
Cover baking sheets with parchment paper. If parchment paper is too wide, fold to fit.
Spoon dough on baking sheets in dollops that are slightly larger than a quarter. You should be able to fit 4 across and 3 down. When you’re done with one tray, put it on a cool surface, then do your other baking sheet. When both baking sheets are ready and up to temperature, put them in. Set timer for 12 minutes.
When they’re “ready” check them. If you press down lightly on a cookie, it should bounce back. If it does, take it out. If it doesn’t, or you want a slightly crispier cookie, put it in for a little longer. (You must keep a close eye on cookies, baking goes very quickly at this point.) Once you take the top baking sheet out, move the bottom baking sheet to the top rack.
Quickly transfer the cookies from the sheet to your cooling racks. When you’re done with that, your second baking sheet should be done. Take them out and transfer cookies to cooling racks.
Now, using the same parchment paper and baking sheets, continue the spooning and baking process until the batter is gone.
Let the cookies cool thoroughly before doing the chocolate glaze.
Spread out wax paper for a cooling area.
In a double boiler on a very low heat, melt the chocolate. I like using dark chocolate candy bars. It might be tempting to add milk to help keep chocolate smooth. Don’t. If you do this, the chocolate won’t set up. Be patient and keep stirring. When chocolate is melted, dunk the cookie half-way in. Then put it on the wax paper to cool. Continue doing this until cookies are all gone. You’ll need to keep stirring the chocolate so it doesn’t stick to the pot, and you may want to have extra chocolate on hand, depending on how generous you are with dunking.